taking stock while watching the clouds go by

I was talking with my niece recently, and we were laughing about how much I've really changed. Just like her I used to be so angry at the world. I never really knew how to chill and just be. There was always a point to everything and I had the least bit of patience for people who just seemed to loll about with no sense of direction. And it seemed to me that the world was just full of these poor insufferable fools.

And now I'm one of those people. My point is to just do what feels good. Even if what makes me feel good has no point. Like sitting in my car with the seat pushed back watching the ever changing vista of the clouds moving through the sky.

I miss that clear sense of direction a little, having everything in my life be black and white and knowing what the rules are and following them gave me some sense of order. I always knew where I was coming from and where I was going. But living by other peoples rules and never being able to get it right must have been the source of all that intense rage and depression I carried with me. Man I was mad at the world.

Now that I live by my own standards and make my own rules I feel a sense of freedom that I wouldn't trade for all the perceived rewards that come with towing the line. No matter what I do I cannot possibly get it wrong. For the most part, I am happy and my unhappy moments are just platforms from which I can leap to even more happiness. I'm me doing my own thing and I feel so much love and compassion for others along my journey. I want to wrap the whole world in one big bear hug and thank everyone who crosses my path for being so beautiful.

I see the validity of all paths even those that I have rejected because I know that they all lead to the same place. All roads lead to heaven and it's as simple as taking a moment to tune in to your inner connection with the greater You or struggling through a miserable joyless existence for a number of years until you croak and finally get it.

My life is a wonderful adventure and I am so thrilled to see where all my choices lead me, and I love that knowing what I know now, I mostly choose the good ones, the ones that bring me joy and light and love. I choose to act out of love and desire rather than fear. Laughter, Love, Peace, Joy that's the point and its been going great so far and the better it gets, the better it gets.

More please UM. More delightful interactions with the divine deliciousness that is my awesome life.

run for your life

Almost everyone I know got up early Sunday morning to run. Usually I would have been right there with them but not this year. For some reason early in the year I decided to hang my running shoes up and sit this one out. The excitement was contagious though and having run the half-marathon twice, I could feel the intensity of the experience all over again as I lay warm and cosy in my bed listening to the sound of the rain outside.

I'm not sure why I wasn't out there again this year. My first experience was absolutely mindblowing. I couldn't wait to get back there the next year. The memory of the pride, sense of achievement and sheer exhileration of running across that finish line is something that I carry with me to this moment. Once I got across that imaginary line the thought was cemented in my mind that I could acheive absolutely anything I set my mind to. I can.

This year though, the fire was out and thoughts of running would provoke in me memories of aching muscles, sore knees and chaffed skin. Instead of looking back and seeing the glory, all I could see was the gory. I couldn't bring myself to hit the road with such a defeatist attitude, and with good reason. The marathon course is no place for I can't.

And there you have it, me, Ms. Encouragment, Ms. Inspiration. Ms. You can do it, Ms. Bouncing Back... Somewhere behind all my wonderful happy faces was a frustrated little Ms. I can't. And I, for the life of me had no idea what to do with her besides wrap her up in my love, crawl into bed with her and snuggle close and just be there for her. It wasn't quite the same as the exhilaration you get from crossing that finishing line with the waving crowds and the certificates and the medals but I have to admit that it still felt really really good. Instead of looking for that acceptance and validation outside of me, I was giving it to myself the best way I know how. By just loving me unconditionally, even when for a moment I decided to turn the lights out and stop to shine.

Life can appear a bit pointless sometimes. It's like we're running in circles, the further you run away from something the closer you get to it from the opposite direction. And yet there are always two sides to the coin. It is because of I can't moments like this that I am inspired to prove that I can. You just have to keep running because you're always either really close to what you desire or moving further away from what you no longer want.

You could choose to look at it the other way but that's no fun. I like to think that in the wonderful race that is my life even though sometimes it doesn't look like it I still keep moving.


And I am always exactly where I want to be. Having the run of my life. ;-)

Thank you God.

(and you too S for the inspiration)

no condemnation

I have just discovered something beautiful. A space where there is no condemnation no judgement. Just love and acceptance. My friend Sam introduced me to the concept in a conversation we had a few months ago. Something about this idea stuck with me and it began to grow and blossom and take hold in my heart. No condemnation, no judgement, no feeling less that perfect because of anything I have thought or anything I have done. No condemnation, just a state of innate worthiness, nothing that I have to deserve or earn something that I have simply because I let myself have it. I allow it into my life. Deep constant unconditional love. No ifs, no buts, just love.

It is a simple yet radical change because not many of us have known unconditional love. The very first time we came across love in the form of our parents for the majority of us, it came with conditions. I love you and will only continue to love you if...., I love you but...

In the course of time we learnt to look at ourselves in the same way. I love you but... I would love you if...

We took it for granted that others would see us the same way and they did. For the longest time we held a certain illusive image of perfection for us to acheve and then only then would we be worthy of all the love and acceptance that we so longed and yearned for in our lives. In as much as I have learnt to truly love and accept myself a part of me still looked at love as something that I needed to earn or deserve. Until I finally got it.

No condemnation means I don't have to wait for anyone else to create that space where I feel totally loved and accepted so that I can know myself to be worthy. I can start where I am and begin to let it in now. I can stop judging and condenming me. I can stop hanging around people who judge and condemn me. I can stop waiting for the world to change so that I can fully love and accept myself. I can just do this here, now. Love and accept me. No condemnation.

I finally get it. Isn't that beautiful?

Breathe

I need to breathe more. I feel this urge to go out take a giant leap, push my shoulders back and just let the air fill me up and carry me, infusing every single cell and every single pore with a life affirming breath of fresh air.

I need to breathe more. Right now it feels that I breathe just enough to keep me alive. I long for more than just being alive. I want JOY and FREEDOM and PASSION, everywhere I look the world is brimming with it. People are walking aroung living and breathing their life purpose and I feel like I'm gasping for air. Taking in just enough to keep me alive in quick short successive breaths and no more.

I need to breathe more. And air like abundance swirls around, around me and I consciously deliberately take in one huge breath and then another and the sweet relief and sense of liberation pours over me as the angst and tension and anxiety wash away with my outbreath. The air around me, not in the least bit diminished by my larger intake of breath, rushes in to fill me up again and I shrug my shoulders with a smile and let it in. I take one breath, and then another and another. This is more than just surviving. This is living.

I can.

I need to breath more and I can. Life delivers to me everything I ask of it and not an iota more. I get to choose. Quick short gasps of breath, or long deep life infusing gusts of air. I'm letting it in.

I can.

How absolutely refreshing it is to know this.

We are Unlimited - Celebrate!

I am loving diving into my Unlimitedness. I am finding that there is a simple way to inviting it into your own life, should you choose to.

Try it, it's fun!

It all starts with deliberately deciding to decide how to live you life. Suddenly, it is as if the scales have fallen from your eyes and you realise that there are no real limits. Its all you, its always been you. You can be and do and have absolutely anything you desire.

It starts with joy, on purpose, and becomes so much more. It begins with an optimistic smile and a happy thought, but it becomes so much bigger when you realise that the joy is infectious, the smile is catching and everywhere people around you are tranforming before your very own eyes.

It starts with you and then spreads out to the world around you. You smile and the world smiles back at you. You act confident and world bows before you. You say something intelligent and the world reflects your deep wisdom back to you. It begins with you and then you see it outside of you.And then you get it, there are no limits. The only limits that exist are inside you. You are unlimited and you get to choose what to do with this realisation.

You can ignore it, argue with it, forget it, or you can revel in it, delight in it, cherish it, celebrate it.

That's what I'm doing.

Fun!

living in joy

I am figuratively packing my bags and leaving. I'm not sure where I'm going but I'm leaving a forwarding address, Joy. I may not know where I'll end up but I know how it'll feel when I get there. Good. Free. Beautiful. Joy.

Living in joy is the best decision I have made to this point. I am finally realising that it is a decision that I have been making. Joy or no Joy. I get to decide and for the longest time I have been deciding not to decide. Not any more. The bags are packed and we're moving. Into a life filled with more Joy. More conscious Joy. More senseless optimism. More laughing and blissing because I can. More of all those beautiful things that make life worth living. Deliberately. Consciously. On Purpose.

Joy on Purpose. It feels like the less said the better. You know you're in the right place by how it feels. Sometimes the words get in the way of the meaning.

Joy on Purpose. That's where I'm going.

I love it.

after the storm

The past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind for me. The routine that had become my life was shaken a little, in a good way. I still can't decide though whether I was the one swirling while the rest of the world stood still or whether the world was swirling while I stood still.

Everything seems to have gone back to normal now, though not quite, there is the odd picture that is crooked and the odd hair that seems out of place. It is one of those changes that may not be perceptible to the untrained eye.

Hmmm. In the words of Abraham. I think we make too much of this. Life is supposed to be fun and when it is, it is.

Wooohoooo! What a ride!

S

beauty in breakfast

I got this lovely recipe from one of my gym pals. It's the secret to her beautiful, flawless glowing skin she told me. It was the first thing I noticed about her, her gorgeous, flawless, baby soft complexion. The second was her sunny glowing personality. She was one of those people you have one conversation with and become instant friends. This morning when I was trying

out her recipe, with a few additional twigs and grass thrown in there for good measure, I was struck by how pretty it all looked and I had to pause and take a picture.

I was reminded of another friend who recently taught me about finding beauty in the most unexpected places. He is so talented he manages to find beauty in the most unlikeliest of things and a few days back I was looking at some pictures he had taken on a recent trip out of town. They were pictures of things that were so ordinary yet so beautiful. In those ordinary pictures he had managed to find something wonderful. Glimpses of God.

I saw God in the eyes of a cute fuzzy calf. I saw God in shafts of light that shone through the trees. I saw God in the grass that grew around a set of abandoned railway tracks. God was in a solitary yellow flower that appeared to be floating in a fuzzy aquamarine world. God was in a pair of crested cranes captured as they moved close together to form a shape that was unmistakably that of that cute little loveheart. God was everywhere. It was so good to look through the eyes of one who could see this. I learnt that everywhere where I can find beauty. I can find God.

Beauty is such an elusive quality to define or describe, one uniting thread though is that it connects us to a deeper part of of us. I reconnects us to a higher truth, a higher power. That which we call God. That is why we have such an affinity for beauty. Why we like beautiful people and things so much. Why a lot of can go to some somewhat extreme measures to find it. In our Society, beautiful people always seem to get our extra special attention.

Beautiful people get through life easily and get things from people easily, they seem to just breeze through life getting everything they want. I like to think that this happens because they give a wonderful gift in return. People want to show their appreciation so they treat them well, they give something of themselves, they give their time, their love, their special attention. It is their way of saying thank you for making me feel so good, thank you for reminding me of who I am. Thank you for reconnecting me with that greater part of my Self.

The best cases of this are little children. I was spending the weekend with my niece and it is so wierd how strangers act when there is beautiful child around, they smile, the chat her up, they give her little gifts, some of them come and pat her head, she doesn't have boundaries so its easy for them to connect with her. She is so beautiful, she smiles a lot, she is open and she just spreads joy and love wherever she goes. Actually she is in so many ways my hero and my mentor. I want to be just like her and I am, when I feel beautiful I am. People are nicer to me, I get gifts, I get better service and I don't feel guilty about it because I know that by being beautiful and open and spreading joy I am giving a wonderful gift in return.

Beauty is a beautiful gift to give yourself and others. I learnt from my camera happy friend with a knack for capturing beauty on film that beauty is everywhere. All around us. It begins when you learn to see beauty in unexpected places, like in that lovely face of yours that may not look exactly the way you want. In that wonderful body that you still feel needs some work so it can be acceptable. Beauty is hidden somewhere in that child of yours that you sometimes find so frustrating, it's in your neighbour, it's in your car. It's in your friends and even in people that you would not consider your friends. Beauty is everywhere and once you know how to look it is so easy to find. Simply find something in it that you love and magnify that. Focus on it and watch it grow. Make it a habit to see beauty every where you go, you will be surprised how the world reacts to you and reflects back your own beauty.

It's a beautiful world. Celebrate it.

the first gift

I remember reading the story of how Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len cured a whole ward full of mental patients without even seeing a single one of them. He worked at the hospital for two years and using a version of an ancient Hawaiian practice called Hooponopono he managed to cure the majority of the patients which evetually led to the hospital being closed down. Dr Len would go to his office and sit with the patients' files and one by one he would heal them through this cleansing process. I was intrigued by the story and immediately began to include the practice of Hooponopono into my everyday rituals. It is a very simple process really.

The premise is you can heal the world by healing yourself. It is an idea that I have come across in so many different teachings and totally resonated with. The healing process is simpler still.

Saying the words:

"I love you" "I'm sorry" "Please forgive me" "Thank You"

That's it. Over and over again.

Like many practices I have picked up I don't feel like I have used it to the best of my ability though.

Especially on myself.

I love myself, and I love my body. Lately I have taken to doing it deliberately. Loving myself, on purpose. I take care of so many aspects of myself. I exercise and eat right and everyday in some way I try to say I love you. There are some parts of me though that I have neglected. Parts that I totally ignored and even in some ways despised. Parts that I complained about and always tried to fix.

Our bodies are amazing, they have an intelligence that science is yet to discover and prove. They have a remarkable ability to heal and they respond to exactly what we tell them to. This is the power of prayer or practices such as Hooponopono. Our bodies talk to us all the time and more than that, they listen to us. The hear us when we complain, they hear us when we rant, they hear us when we celebrate, they hear us when we love and they respond accordingly. They respond to love by blossoming and glowing and respond to negativity by dis-ease. This is their way of speaking to us.

They listen to the words, but more than that they listen to our vibration, our feelings, our actions. They are so sensitive, so intuitive, so responsive. I wish I could say the same for myself. Yesterday I learnt how little I listened to myself. I learned just how much more I had to learn about loving myself. My body to spoke to me and I didn't listen. I had to hear the words from someone else so I could pay attention. I pride myself in my deep self knowledge and sense of self-love I didn't realise that out of careless habit, I was leaving parts of myself behind.

I'm wide awake and I'm listening now. And more than that, I'm taking it a step further, I'm watching what I say. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

I started yesterday (actually it was more like early this morning) and already I can see the difference. The interesting thing about life is that patterns play out all around us. As above, so below, as within, so without. Healing our insides, we heal our outsides. The people in our lives just like our bodies, blossom when we love and wilt when we don't.

There are so many layers to this gift that I keep unravelling.

Speak up. I'm listening.

gift on my doorstep

I have recently met someone who is such a wonderful mirror . He has an uncanny ability to take clear snaposhots of me and reflect them back to me so that I can see myself in ways I hadn't thought to look before.

Yesterday he reflected something I wasn't too happy to see. At first. It took me a little by surprise. My first instinct was to thank him. My second was to run away and be by myself and take time to make sense of it. I have learnt that in life gifts show up in the most unexpected places and sometimes it is difficult to know what the gift is until you take time to unwrap the layers that conceal it. When something breaks through my veneer of calm and shakes me, I know that I have received a wonderful gift even if it is not clear at that moment, and appreciating it for what it is allows me to unwrap my gift and discover the treasures within.

The problem with people who haven't known you for a long time is that they don't always stick to your script. They have a way of crossing the lines and venturing into unexplored territory.

I ran away to be by myself. He followed me. I couldn't shake him off. I guessed he still had more gifts to give.

He did.

He told me a story, another reflection, of who I am. Every morning, he said, I built a wall around myself, brick by brick and went out into the world. And I came across all sorts of people and experiences and I let them come close, but now too close. I stood behind my wall the whole entire time. The interesting thing about me though was that while my wall kept people at a distance, he had learned that if he left a gift by my doorstep, I would eventually at some point during the day, get out from behind my wall and open it, and I would take what I wanted and leave the rest behind.

I loved that story. That is so me.

So now I have two gifts.

Thank you S.

watching grass grow

I'm rediscovering the value of patience. Actually, maybe rediscovering is not the word. I have never really been what you would describe as patient. Patience has always been something that has been imposed on me. Be patient. Hang on. Wait. Be still will you?

I prefered to move. Fast. Like my mind did. As soon as a person began speaking I would already see where they were heading and skip right to the end. In school I would spend most of my time in my classes doing something other than listen to the teacher drone on and on. I was always doodling or reading a novel hidden in my text book or taking flights of fancy in my imagination. I would set the scene by being the model student for the first few minutes of the lesson. Put my hand up and answer all the questions correctly for the first few minutes until the teacher would smile at me and ask me to give the others a chance, that was my cue, from that moment I knew I'd become invisible and I could do whatever I wanted.

I suppose I always found a way to make less pleasant aspects of my life, fly past. I would always whizz by to what I wanted. Fast. Just like my mind. My amazing brain would come up with a myriad of schemes to keep others occupied or manipulate them into getting what I wanted. Fast.

Lately though, I've been getting out of my head more and flowing. Not much mind work in flowing. More about being still and centred in self and trusting that life is taking you to where you want to go. For the first time though, my super quick mind has been slow to catch on.

Patience has always been something to avoid, to circumvent, to get rid of. Why wait, when we can do it. Fast. Why wait?

Why wait? Why wait?

I'm not too sure why, but I know that I want to. For the first time I find myself in a self imposed state of patience. More willing to slow down and savour every moment. More willing to trust and let go. More willing to just flow.

Why wait? Because words do not make sense without the spaces in between. Why wait? Because a song would not be as beautiful if there was only sound and no silence. Why wait? Because most things worth having, are worth waiting for. Why wait? Because life is a journey and we are in one eternal process of getting to our destination.

Its not about the destination, it's getting there. It's the ebb and the flow. It's the space in between. That is what life is all about.

Think about it. Birth-Death. Life is the hyphen.

Makes sense to slow down and savour it a little don't you think?

going with the flow

Wow. I came across a wonderful delightful AHA! realisation today. It is so big my life will never be the same again. I know I always say this and it is always true. My life is never the same from one day to the next. Everyday I know more, I become more, I choose new thoughts and I become an entirely new person. It is the flow of life. No two days are the same, no two moments either and knowing this is so wonderfully liberating. Life becomes a new adventure and people in my life play ever changing roles and every day, every moment feels so bright and shiny and new.

I love water. There is something about it that is so cleansing. Sun-shower combines two of my most favourite things in the world. Light and water. In many ways light is like water because once you shine a light on something it is changed, it is new, it is cleansed. Knowledge is like that light. When put to its proper use it cannot leave you unchanged. You may choose to act as if things are the same but something's different and you can't run from it. You can try to fight it, you can try to paddle against the current that is carrying you, has always carried you towards change towards adventure towards a series of ever changing moments, but it will still carry you anyway. So much better to let go and go with the flow.

Going with the flow, so deliciously divine. Trusting that the stream of life is carrying you to where you want to be and letting go. Nice.

I had for a while resisted the idea of going with the flow. Something to do with control, but the basis of this quest for control is mistrust. Once I got the trust issue covered and realised that everything is working out in my favour I found myself going with the flow more. It is easy with the little things. To relax, chill out and just let go.

A little harder with the big things. Then the old fears came back. Should I leave this person? Should I quit this job? Am I on the right path? Can I afford this? Where will the money come from? What if I make a mistake? When faced with the bigger decisions, it wasn't so easy to just flow. Some parts of me were saying, Hey this is important! This could change your life. Pay attention! Do something!

Something other than flow.

Then today I came across something that changed the whole way I looked at life. There are no big decisions, just a series of little ones. No big decisions. No big decisions. No big decisions. Just little ones. Should I mail this letter? Should I return that call? Should I buy this? Will I enjoy this experience? Does this taste good? Am I hungry? Easy little ones. And if I can make the right little decisions then the big things take care of themselves. And making the right little decision is easy. Go with the flow. Do what feels right. Relax. Chill out.

Easy peasy.

Life is supposed to be fun.

And knowing what I know now, it truly is.

the modern fairy tale

I'm growing up. I'm growing older. This truly hit home when I went to watch Sex and the City the movie two nights ago. I have been excitedly waiting for this film since I first heard about it early last year and finally there I was with a bunch of friends seeing all of it unfold.

The first thing I noticed was everyone was noticeably older. I was a little thrown that even with the magic of Holywood they still looked much older. Yet the story was still the same in some ways though different. It still had that delightful fairy tale quality that I loved, the characters are at once relatable and yet somehow unreal. I loved the movie. Loved the story, and loved the happily ever after ending.

Later when I left I was surprised by how moved I was by the film. It came to me in huge blocks of emotion, which took me by surprise until I realised that I was letting go, releasing the old fairy tale where the princess meets and falls in love with a handsome prince and after being rescued from some misfortune that seeks to keep them apart, she marries her prince and lives happily ever after. It was like a computer upgrade. I had received new software and now I had to uninstall fairy tale number one and reinstall fairy tale number two. It felt like I was losing something that I had had for as long as I can remember and as always with loss comes the fear of the unknown, but today, my sun is back and with it a wonderful new story where the princess meets and falls in love with her true self and lives happily ever after. Like software upgrade the new version usually does all the things the old one used to do, only better.

The princess still lives happily ever after.

And happily ever after as I have come to realise, can mean finding love in your own backyard after going away in search of it, choosing to forgive imperfection in your self and others and realising that the true beauty lies in the imperfection, or letting go of relationships and ideas that were no longer serving your self, and facing our fears and choosing love. Always choosing love. The love of one's Self.

I'd love to see that in a children's book. Once a upon a time there lived four princesses....

Fun movie.

Thank you Uni.

fairytale ending

I love fairy tales. Almost exactly three years ago I walked into one of my own. It was the most beautful thing. Totally unexpected at first and then it was as if it had always been a part of my life. It was absolutely perfect in every way. I got everything I ever wanted in one delightful package. It captured my imagination and inspired me to grow and soar. I discovered wonderful treasures inside myself that I never knew I had. I acquired a new confidence, a new sense of wellbeing. I set myself free and the world responded by allowing me to be more than I ever imagined.

I wasn't alone in this fairy tale. It was a beautiful dance of two as one. Truly magical as we both moved together and created something real and vibrant that just seemed to take on a life of its own and draw us along its winding path with so many delightful adventures along the way.

Fairy tales are amazing, for as long as they last you can allow yourself to be led into a wonderful land that started of as a wonderful thought in some one's imagination and once it is over it cannot leave you unchanged. The best ones turn a light inside you that keeps burning long after the curtains are down.

My own fairy tale was everything I wanted it to be and so much more that I had never thought to ask. It was such a wonderful ride and like all fairy tales came complete with that perfect ending...

... and they both lived happily ever after

living in wonderland

"I can't believe THAT!" said Alice.

"Can't you?" said the Queen in a pitying tone. "Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes."

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said, "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why sometimes I believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!"

I love this excerpt from the book Alice in Wonderland. I loved the book too. Really captured my imagination. It is an interesting phrase, captured my imagination, its nothing like it really is, it's quite the opposite actually. Things that seem to capture our imaginations actually allow us to set it free. They tickle it, excite it, cause it to awaken and inspire it to soar. I was reminded of this today when I caught myself believing several impossible things before breakfast. Then again like the phrase captured my imagination, believing the impossible is another phrase that doesn't really make sense, when you believe the impossible it becomes possible and even the word itself screams at you or whispers I'M POSSIBLE.

I have come to enjoy believing in impossible things that too sends my imagination soaring and where my imagination goes creation is sure to follow. I guess that is what makes it so thrilling, daring to entertain an impossible thought draws me closer to attaining it and that is such a delightful rush. Choosing to beleive that impossible is possible takes me out to leading edge of creation, the leading edge of thought, a place only visionaries and inspired luminaries dare to venture but one that is open, has always been available to all.

I thinking beleiving in impossible things is a useful trait to foster. I intend to spend half an hour every day doing just that. Living in wonderland. I think it's gonna be fun.

15 minutes of nothing

I love this place. I am amazed by the genius of creating this space for myself. My holding place. It is always such a thrill going back reading through my old posts. It is such a lovely way of reminding myself where I’ve been and where I’m going. I guess it helps that I have the shortest attention span sometimes because, I am always so pleasantly surprised when I catch glimpses of a forgotten me.

I haven't written as much as I would have liked to lately. I’ve spending a lot of my time in-joy-ing life rather than speculating about it. I feel like a little kid again. There is so much that is wonderful to see and absorb and try and take in, who has the time to sit and write the world is going by so so fast? I just want dive in and let the stream carry me with it to all those delightful experiences that I have placed on my path.

Recently though, I have begun to realize that all I have is time, and time is the most wonderful thing. When you know how you can play with it and mould it and make it do whatever you want. I have started to experience time in the most magical way and it all begins with what has become the most precious fifteen minutes of my day.

It brings me such joy to think of them and from wherever I am in the course of the day I get so much pleasure from either savouring the deliciousness of the last experience that I had or joyfully anticipating the next experience that I will have. Who would have thought that fifteen minutes of my life could be so wonderful.

Every morning for fifteen minutes (though sometimes it is so delightful I do it for fifteen more) I do absolutely nothing. I get comfortable (I like to get into savasana, the corpse pose) and then I do nothing, I think of nothing, I just sit with myself and breathe. That’s it, but words cannot express just how amazing this experience has been for me. It has changed my life. I have so much more energy, so much more time, so much more peace, so much more joy. Every day I do it I get more from it. I seem to connect with such a deep stillness that is inside myself and I find that I take it with me every where I go, and wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I can just remember those fifteen minutes and I am instantly there in that still calm, deliciously happy place. Time slows down or flies past or just calmly trots by at a comfortable place. Everything feels lighter and I feel so much freer. Ideas come to me more easily. The world just seems so much shinier.

Those quiet fifteen minutes of nothing are like a treasure chest from which I am constantly discovering new delightful trinkets and baubles to enjoy. I am amazed that it took me so long to decide to do this and astounded by how wonderful it is that I decided to do it when I did. It has been such a lovely gift and one that constantly surprises and thrills me. Fifteen minutes of nothing that become an eternity of everything I have ever wanted. It’s a nice trade I think.

we're magic

Magic

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know that I'll be kind
I'll be guiding you

Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Your destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand
You are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you

Through every turn
I'll be near you
I'll come anytime you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Your destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

Olivia Newton John

angels in our midst

I love my Louis. That's my car. I could write a whole blog on how perfect he is but that's not what this is about. One of the reasons I love Louis so much though, is that he is a bit of an angel magnet. Yes that's right... angels. They live among us you know. Thanks to Louis I have had so many angel encounters that I think I've become a bit of an expert. And that is the whole point of this blog. I, in my unfailingly generous wisdom, have decided to share a bit of that expertise with the world in the hope that you can all have some delicious angel encounters of you own.

Now the thing with having an angel encounter is that you have to understand how angels work. Figure out their angel protocol. Once you have that its like scales fall out of your eyes and you begin to see them everywhere you look. This is where I come in. And I have managed to break it down into just 5 easy steps.

Step No 1 : Find yourself in some sort of major or minor calamity. Angels love to appear right at the moment when they are needed the most and usually this is when we find ourselves stuggling with some predicament. This is where Louis comes in. He has a knack for causing calamities. Like deciding not to start for some reason. I remember a wonderful angel sighting when I was driving Louis, it was in the first days when I first got him and I knew that he had some vague starter problem but I had no idea what a starter was. Any hoo. I'm with my nephew and we're in the car and Louis won't start and I have no idea what to do. Actually Nzau was driving so he looks at me for help and I'm blank and then out of nowhere this guy comes up to us, gives instructions on what he should do, he follows the instructions and voila Louis purrs to life. We looked around to thank him but he was gone. Nzau couldn't beleive what just happened. I was totally unfazed. "He was an angel," I explained. "I'm surrounded by angels. I run into them all the time." He seemed to take my word for it but he wasn't too keen to take Louis out on his own after that " I'm not so sure I 'm surrounded by angels like you" he explained.

Step No 2: Recognise their unexpected gift as love: Angels always appear to remind us that we are loved and they do it by giving us a gift. Now the key to tell whether a gift is an ordinary gift is how it feels when you receive it. When it's given in love you feel a warmth that begins in the pit of your stomach ( or somewhere in that vicinity) and spreads to the rest of your body. You can't ignore it. It feels just like love. Now the tricky part is recognising it as a gift. There's no shiny paper or ribbons. They are usually things that appear most ordinary. Like words. Or a glass of warm milk, or a roll of kitchen paper or a song ( ok a bunch of songs), but there is something about them that just feels like love. If it feels like love, you may have just met an angel and if this gift was preceded by a calamity of some sort you can almost bet on it. To be sure you have to know what they look like and that's...

Step No 3. Know what they look like: Now we all think we know what Angels look like. I mean we've seen the pictures. We see them at the top of christmas trees. That halo is always a dead give away isn't it? You would think so wouldn't you. EEEE Wrong. Listen to the expert. Now angels sometimes, take the ones I ran into last night, are light skinned, have long hair (and even an occasional dreadlock) and usually are dressed in white and have the most gorgeous eyes, or sometimes, they're dark, bald-shaven, like to dress in darker clothes have the most gorgeous eyes and a charming smile or sometimes they look nothing like that ... No wait this is confusing... even for me. I think the best way would be for you to see for yourself. To do that we would have to come to ...

Step No 4: Even if you think I didn't do a job of explaining step 3 its ok because there is an angel right now in the room with you: Bet you didn't see that one coming did you. Isn't that fun? And I know how you can see them too. You will need a shiny, polished piece of glass with a silver backed surface. If you don't have one there are some very easy to follow instructions on how you can make one of your own here. Or you could just use an ordinary mirror. Now hold the piece of glass, with the reflective surface facing you, away from you so you can see your face. Especially your eyes. (Note: If the mirror is hanging on a wall or something you don't really have to take it out or even hold it, you can just look at it, really, its ok). Now look deep into your eyes until you see or feel something that looks like an inner light and feels like love. And there you have it. You have just seen an angel. Neat huh. All angels have that inner light so no matter what they look like, if you can see that then you're looking at an angel.

Step No 5: Its not really a step, but these are little known facts about angels that will make you understand them better: Angels have a lousy memory. I love these guys but this is something that they all seem to have in common. You'll run into an angel have a fabulous experience that meets every aspect of the angel protocol but if you come up to the person and ask them if they are an angel they may look at you funny and even deny it. Its not that they're liars or anything. They're not. They just don't remember who they are. Its wierd, its like for a minute they connect with their light do their angel thing and then forget. Some of the nicer ones may smile and tell you that its nothing and shrug it off. These ones may not totally remember who they are either. And the interesting thing though is the angels who do remember who they really are, the don't tell you either, they may say something vague like we're all angels or something like that. Basically don't wait for the angel to confirm that they are one. Once you run into as many of them as I have you'll just know who they are and you'll appreciate them and love them for it and just carry with you that warm wonderful feeling that all is right with the world because you are surrounded by angels.

Isn't that just great? It's the most beautiful feeling.

unleashed

Last week I went for a three day self-discovery and empowerment seminar and since then my life seems to have completely changed. I have discovered a new voice and a new language. My gaze and perception now have a transformative power. It feels so good to know what I know. It feels so good to realise that I hold the power, I create my own life by choosing in every moment how I want to feel. It feels good to give myself permission to feel good, it is so great to learn to speak a language of love and success and possibility. It is great to live in a world where all things are possible and where I'm free to be happy no matter what.

Blue rose person

I've just discovered today that I'm a blue rose person. Blue roses traditionally signify mystery or attaining the impossible. They are believed to be able to grant the owner youth or grant wishes. They ended being the most perfect gift. Good job UM!

Delicious abundance

nay to naysayers

(Found this picture under the caption, we just want to feel good - let us)

I was talking to my aunt over the weekend and she is such a lovely cheery soul. She was looking the best I had seen her in a few days and we were so happy to get some time to spend together and just catch up. She is so cat-like. She loves to bask and enjoy life and appreciate all the wonderful moments and the great things she has in her life.

She recently moved to live near a friend of hers and last time I met her she wasn't her usual cheery self and while I was remarking about how good she looked she told me her secret. Her friend is such a pessimist and she had never really realised it till she moved and was around her all the time. She had a way of just taking the joy out of anything. For a while she had began to buy into it. She would wake up optimistic and full of anticipation and run into her friend and promptly have it explained to her why she had absolutely no reason to be happy.

She would be cheerful because it was such a lovely day and her friend would wonder why was she going out when it was so hot and dusty and how tired she would get walking to where she was going. She would come home excited about something someone she had met on her walk had told her and her friend would tell how she really shouldn't talk to strangers, who knows what terrible things these people would do to her. She had tons of stories like these and we laughed about it, but I couldn't help but think of my own naysayers, beginning with that little one that sits on my shoulder and whispers things into my ears. She had discovered what downer her friend was and had decided to simply pay no attention to her anymore. That was the secret.

I'm reminded of this today when I heard some people talking about how bad things were in the country and how they can only get worse. The person saying it sounded so certain and they came to me with all the reasons why everything was going down hill. My reaction surprised the both of us. This person is a dear friend and we have many lovely animated conversations but I just totally ignored him, and he slowly trailed off and went off to find something interesting to do. It felt good to choose not to go down that path with him. And the truth is, none of us have any idea what would happen tomorrow. I'm not doom and gloomy right this moment though and I can choose to focus on thoughts that feel good. Like everything working out and all being well. It feels so good to do that and not so good to go down the other path. I have so many things that bring joy to my life, am I supposed to be miserable and anxious because of something someone else has chosen to imagine and talk about?

The imagination is a beautiful thing and I prefer to use mine to bring me pleasure. It feels so good to feel good. Why would I want to stop? I am reminded of a story in Pollyanna Grows Up. The sequel to the The Glad Book. Pollyanna enters a writing competition and she would love to win. Its her first attempt and she decides that she is going to act like she is going to win it anyway, this way she gets to be happy as she thinks about how happy she will be. The results will be announced in a few months and thinking that she is going to win she gets to be happy the whole time whether she does win in the end or not. This way if she gets disappointed she'll have three months of happiness in the meantime. What's the point of this story? There is no point. It is a pleasant thought though, not letting the possibility of something bad happening, cheat you out of more feel good time. If things could go two ways and one feels better, why not pick the thought that feels better, simply because it feels better? Choosing to go down the other path simply makes no sense at all.

Pollyanna didn't win the competition in the end, but she had a great time and lots of lovely things happened in that time that it wasn't so important for her to win after all. And she didn't stop feeling good.

And that's what I call a happy ending.

" ..."

"If you could relax and pet your cat and dangle your feet in the stream and find things that please you and focus upon them...and spend time with the people who make you feel best and read the books that make you feel best and go to the movies that make you feel best and take the drives that make you feel best and think of the aspects of those you work with who make you feel best... and think of your parents in the way that makes you feel best and make lists of things that you like that make you feel best and wear the clothing that makes you feel best and eat the food that make you feel best and do the things that make you feel best and think the thoughts that make you feel best...hmmmm, you would feel pretty good.
"p.300 "The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent" Esther and Jerry Hicks

feeling good, feels good.

I recently came across a book that I think should be required reading for all human beings. Polyanna: The Glad Book by Eleanor H. Porter (Which is available freely online and is not under copyright laws anymore so you can google and catch yourself up on it, if you have not been so fortunate as to come across it before). It was the natural progression of my decision to inject more fun and joy into my life. What an amazing read. I feel so much happier about my new perpetually optimistic self. Its nice to know that this is not a novel idea and many years ago someone else discovered the power of a sunny disposition and a desire to find the good in all you come across or experience.

Its everywhere these days, with the recent worldwide release of the Secret, and its consequent appearances on the Oprah Winfrey show. Thoughts are creative so choose the good ones. There's also all the wonderful research on the power of positive thought and all the wonderful health and other benefits that arise from it. The Law of Attraction, the idea that we have the power to influence the world around us, by what we choose to think about. Its a lovely idea and there's lots of wonderful information, testimonials and stories of how it works and its a good a reason as any to want to feel good. Thinking good thoughts and feeling good sends out vibrations that attract all the good things you want to you. That's a good reason to put a big smile on your face.

I can't help but think though why one would need a reason, good or otherwise to put a smile on your face. Feeling good, feels good, which is why the geniuses who invented language called it feeling good. Feeling bad, doesn't feel so good, which is why the language inventors, amazingly insightful as they were called it something else, feeling bad. Now doing things that feel good, feels good. Thinking thoughts that feel good, feels good too. Playing games, having fun, laughing, loving, winning, celebrating, basking, savouring, anticipating... they all feel good too. Hmmm.

And the whole point of human existence seems to be feeling good. People may think they want more money, but more money buys nice things which make you feel good. Maybe love, but being in love, or being loved makes you feel good. Power, some people want power, they live for it, because the idea of having power makes them feel good. Fame... feels good too. Kids... fun to be around... feel good. Basically we all want everything that we think we want because they make us feel good.

So people basically just want to feel good all the time and everything they do is intended to lead them to that good feeling. Nice huh? So what happens when you decide to feel good anyway, because that is the whole point of our existence. Feel good now. Right now. Don't have that car you want, ok... but feel good anyway. That feels nice, right? That mansion. Feel good anyway. That fortune... feel good anyway. Why, because you can and because that is the whole point. And trust me, this may seem obvious but it is a powerful concept. Hang in there for a few moments and let it sink in. You can feel good now. Right this instant. Why? Because you can.

How? Find a thought, or something to do that feels better. Play the glad game. Find something now that feels good about whatever it is you are going through and just feel that feeling and immerse yourself in it. That yummy, warm, gooey, delicious feeling. Now doesn't that feel good? And that good feeling right there is what you want. The other stuff you were worried about that's just another way of getting there, but you have a shortcut. You can feel good anytime by choosing to, because you can. There's more. But this one bit is so awesome. I'd like you to mull on that one for while. Feeling good, feels good. Really good. And when you strip life to the basics. That's the whole point really. So why don't you do it now, rather than later... when you have (fill in the blank... it all leads to the same thing in the end) you are waiting for so you can feel good. Feel good anyway... simply because it feels soooo good. It really does. ;-)

play

I've just rediscovered how much fun it is to play again. I'm finding myself waist deep in joy exhilaration and excitement and I can't beleive how good this all feels. Its a yummy yummy feeling and I find myself totally relating with feisty little children who just go through life grabbing all the opportunities that come their way and turning it into something fun and pleasurable.

I do the same with my little niece, it the most effective way I can get her to do something. I simply turn it into a game. (She's catching on fast though and these days she get's a little suspicious when I suggest we play the 'let's go to sleep game'). I can't help but wonder though, why I didn't do this more often with myself in my real life. Things are so much more tolerable when you turn them into a game.

Its so easy to not take things so seriously when you take the seriousness out. These days I find I play the "let's go to work game' every morning and with my often ornery boss, I find myself playing the 'let's find the quickest way to do this without taking his grumpiness personally game' and doing my job has never been easier. When I'm dressing up in the morning I have learned to play the "let's make Sam look gorgeous game' and find myself making some really daring choices that end up winning me constant compliments about how I look.

Playing along in this game of life, I am finding myself so much happier and freer than I ever was . I totally get how this works because the whole entire point of games is to make you happy and if you're out there seeking ways to make every situation or experience you come across leave you as happy as possible then its elementary isn't it dear Watson... Happiness is exactly what you get. Yummy, delicious, exhilarating, exciting, gleeful dollops of absolute joy.

It is so good to be me, isn't it?

the way back

After a tumultous past few weeks I'm finally finding my feet again. I've been riding a roller coaster of highs and lows and most recently many I-don't-knows and I'm finally ready to settle down to a new normal. I ended the last year on a big high. The trip to Mauritius, the wonderful people we met there and all the encounters that left a lasting impression on my sense of self. It brought together all the things I love about travelling so perfectly. I always go out looking for the best of that part of the world to bring back with me, little bits of the outside, new ways of thinking and being and this time I felt I came back with bags full.

Then coming back to my brother's long awaited wedding and having it go so perfectly again bringing together love, hope, beauty, family and friends and after that floating into my leave, the festive season and then finally the New Year, which though it started on a bit of a low key note this year is always my favourite time of the year. Immediately after though it all started to unravel, slowly, I began to feel something chipping away at my usual sense of calm and peace and deep trust that all is well. What I had began to feel within I began to see reflected outside of me, as is always the case, and before I knew it I was scrapping at the very bottom of my sense of wellbeing, I was running on empty and it seems all around no-one had enough to spare to give me a refill literally and figuratively. Somewhere in there there was a subtle shift and I forgot that I had began to sense the uncertainity within before I saw it take form outside of me.

And for most of this year, I have been looking outside, waiting for everything to settle so that I can settle too. Following the latest news on the crisis in my country. Talking with friends who are just as shaken and uncertain as I am about it, asking big questions and getting no answers. And then yesterday I read those words that have brought me back here, a paraphrasing of this quote

Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”
John Allen Paulos

And there it is, my way back to me. More and more I am beginning to appreciate the power that we have to shape our own destinies. I have always intellectually embraced the idea that all occurences are simply an opportunity for one to to keep choosing their point of focus, and that the actual choice does have an effect on future occurences. I guess I hadn't embraced it enough internally and at the beginning of the year when the stability of something that I had mistakenly considered as the foundation of my entire sense of well being was called into question I was quick to hop on the despair bandwagon. It didn't help that the entire population of my country was joining it too seeing as the stability of the country's economy was being called into question as well.

Finally thanks to something a Mr. Paulos once said, it all falls neatly into place, and I realise that break-up or no break-up I am still me and I still have access to all those wonderful yummy good feelings that I have enjoyed immersing myself in a not so distant past, on the microcosm end and as for the macrocosm, making the internal shift would have more far reaching consequences than wringing my hands on the despair bandwagon ever could.

As above so below

As within so without

(Edited to add: :-) I just read my last post before all this started and once again I'm grateful for starting this blog, taking snapshots of who I am at any given moment, and then looking back to see how far I've come. My holding place. I love it)