And again I say... REJOICE!

Do not be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!

Nehemiah 8:10

Lately I've been finding myself in-joying life more than usual.  Now in-joying means finding reasons to bring joy into situations that are traditionally rather joy-less.  Joy can be a rare commodity in today's world.  It seems as if people had a meeting and decided that the older you get the less joyful you are allowed to be.

But joy seems to be pretty important in God's world.  The letters of the bible to the early church are full of exhortations to in-joy life.  "Rejoice in the LORD always"  "Consider it joy when you face trials" "May the God of hope fill you with all joy"   I wonder why God found it so important to remind us about joy.  Did He know something that we didn't?  

I'll tell you for free, my life is much brighter now that I choose to spend more time in-joying rather than just living.  Living is so yesterday. ;)  Finding a reason to smile or laugh makes everything so much better.  And if God's word is to be believed there isn't an occasion or a reason worthy to squeeze the joy out of life. Jesus Himself left us with this promise "I will see you again and you will rejoice and no one will take away your joy"

Have you lost your joy?  I give you permission to go out there and find it.  Find things that once brought you joy and see if you can find joy in them again.  Find things you things that, if you did more, would bring you more joy and go out and do them.  And more than anything start with God.  He created joy and so He may know a thing or two about bring your joy back

Dear LORD I pray for joy.  For myself, for my loved ones and for all who read this who need to in-joy life more.  You created joy and so though we may have lost sight of it, I know you can help us find it. In Jesus' Name I ask, trust and believe. Amen.

Living while I'm alive

I've been spending the last few years looking at my life through God's eyes.  It's been the hardest thing.  God's eyes sees perfection where I see flaws.  God's eyes see forgiveness where I see pain and hurt and blame. God's eyes see love where I see routine. The hardest thing though is I cannot 'see' God's eyes.

Through the eyes of faith I see snippets of His Love and His grace.  Through encounters with others that believe in Him I see unity, I see community, I see brokenness and human attempts to love as only God can and I am humbled because in these others I see myself.  I see the destitute nature of my soul. And how impossible it is for me to live without Him.  I am nothing without Him and it is in my emptiness  that I see His wholeness, in my frailties that I see His strength.

God is everything that I am not, except when I choose to be like Him, and then He is everything that I cannot be on my own.  Everything  I have done,  He has made possible because I choose to let Him lead me.  I am alive by default but when I choose to see as God sees, I am able to truly live while I am alive.

Like any other person, I experience heartache but when I turn it over to God I find solace. As I go through my day, I do foolish things but when I expose them to the light of God's truth I find wisdom.  I love with all that I have and instead of feeling frightened and exposed and insecure, my heart is steadfast because I know He who holds my future.  I get disappointed by people but when I look at life, when I look at humanity through God's eyes I see endless possibilities, everyday miracles and opportunities to teach others how to see as God sees.

Choosing to see as God sees, I have purposed to live my life pursuing things that have eternal value.  Living while I am alive. I am God's eyes, I am God hands, I am God's feet and I am God's mouthpiece and only if I live as if this is true do I feel completely alive.  

Lord help me see as you see and live each day as a vessel of your love, your truth and your power. May your wisdom flow through me, your love shine through my actions, your grace be shared with all who I come across and may your Name be glorified in all that I do.

By your grace.  For your glory. In Jesus's name. Amen.

A life less extraordinary

This morning when I was getting to  leave the house I couldn't find my keys.  So I did what any abnormal person would do.   I  had a mini anxiety attack.

Of course it wasn't totally about the keys.  Part of the stress was from yesterdays accident and other part was from years of living with exaggerated emotions otherwise known as bipolar disorder.

I'm actually celebrating the fact that it was a mini anxiety attack and I was able to stop crying after a few minutes and  I found the keys :)  It really wasn't something to write home about, but thank God for the blogosphere, a space where I can tune in and just say whatever's on my mind. :)

Today I wish my life, specifically my emotions were less extraordinary.  My friend Karen once asked me how I do it all.  How I seem to thrive with a condition that has brought so many to their knees.  I guess the answer is I spend a lot of time on my knees too.  Willingly.

One of the exaggerated emotions that I have come to call my friend is an exaggerated need for God.  I need God like I need air.  Like I need water.  Like I need life itself.  Thank God He's sufficient to meet all my needs.  My need for God doesn't diminish me and it doesn't diminish Him either.

Day after day.  Moment after moment.  He has been my Refuge, my Shelter.  My Fortress, my Hiding Place. My Comfort, My Solace. My place of rest.  And the more I search for Him the more I find him.  The more I long for Him the more He satisfies my soul.  The more I need to run and hide the more I find His arms open wide ready to embrace me, time after time after time.

And so hidden here in His Love.  Even my extraordinary life with my sometimes extraordinary emotions can begin to seem rather ordinary.

Thank you LORD for the many ways in which You show up to help me whenever I need You.  The difference is You.

The LORD is my Strength and my {impenetrable} Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him.  Psalms 28:7

Choosing different

Sound of screeching brakes...  Oh dear is that me... Where did that red car come from all of a sudden... Oh dear I'm going to hit it.  Sam do something...  Maybe if I swerve the damage won't be so bad... CRASH...  (body tense)... waiting to hear a car smash into me from the back ... 1 2 3 4 nothing... sigh of relief...  I made it.  Let's see how bad the damage is from the outside.

I had an accident on my way home today.

You know how you go through the moment over and over again thinking about how if you had just reacted faster... if only I had been paying more attention to the others cars ... etc

I didn't do that today.  I was still and I was thinking...  Accidents happen and thank God I wasn't hurt. It could have been worse.  I have heard those words echoed by my parents and well wishers all my life but today I believed them.  This  accident was not the worst thing that could happen.  It was an unfortunate thing but I got out ok.  Managed to get through dealing with the police.  Thank God my brother was nearby so I didn't have to go through it alone and I only almost cried just once.

None of us were hurt.  As far as accidents go it wasn't too bad.

So why am I crying now?  I think I realise how much life I missed thinking bad thoughts and discounting the good ones.  Bad things happen. Period. But the bad things that we think about the bad things that happen  make the experiences a whole lot worse.

I have lived my life plagued by so many bad thoughts, so many if onlys, so many why can't I get it rights, so many what's wrong with mes and so much of life has just passed me by while I hid in a cloud of my despair.

I didn't do that today.  I sat by the fork of the road that I had travelled too many times in my very very short life and I chose different.

I had an accident on my way home today. Period.

And I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

Good job Sam.

Choosing different feels pretty good.

Try it.

Choose different.

Happy Anniversary

Today marks 6 years since I decided to lock my hair.  I remember when I talked to my cousin Fifi before I decided to make the bold step.  I was doing sufficient research to make sure I had all the bases covered.  She told me, "you're going to learn to  be patient".  My friend Mujo gave me this useful warning," you're going to start getting a lot of attention from the wrong kind of people".  One of the ladies from the gym gave me a skeptical look and told me "make sure you keep them neat".  

6 year later I can confidently say that they were all right. My hair doesn't grow so fast so waiting for it to grow was like watching grass grow ( only slower :) ).  I did get attention from "the wrong" type of people but it only made me more interested in learning about the rastafarian culture and I found out that I had a lot in common with some of those "wrong" people.  The other day when I was walking through Ngara it was nice to have the guys call me Ras which means King.  As a member of Christ's Holy Nation and Royal Priesthood it felt like an acknowledgement, an affirmation of who I really am.

And as for keeping them neat, I think knowing that people would judge me and instantly choose whether they approve of me just by one glance made me dig deep into my creative juices and come up with fun ways of wearing my hair.

Overall though I think the best lesson has been learning to love myself. My hair was such a burden in the past but now its a celebration.  After trying so many ways to wear my hair I have found rest.

Dear Lord, Today I thank you for my hair. Amen

But if a woman has long hair, it is her ornament and glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering.

1 Cor 11:15

Seek Wisdom

My child, listen to what I say,

and treasure my commands.

Tune your ears to wisdom,

   and concentrate on understanding.

Cry out for insight,

 and ask for understanding.

Search for them as you would for silver;

 seek them like hidden treasures.

 

Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,

    and you will gain knowledge of God.

 

For the Lord grants wisdom!

    From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

 

He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.

    He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.

 

He guards the paths of the just

    and protects those who are faithful to him.

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,

  and you will find the right way to go.

For wisdom will enter your heart,

and knowledge will fill you with joy.

Wise choices will watch over you.

Understanding will keep you safe.

Proverbs 2:1-11