Choosing different

Sound of screeching brakes...  Oh dear is that me... Where did that red car come from all of a sudden... Oh dear I'm going to hit it.  Sam do something...  Maybe if I swerve the damage won't be so bad... CRASH...  (body tense)... waiting to hear a car smash into me from the back ... 1 2 3 4 nothing... sigh of relief...  I made it.  Let's see how bad the damage is from the outside.

I had an accident on my way home today.

You know how you go through the moment over and over again thinking about how if you had just reacted faster... if only I had been paying more attention to the others cars ... etc

I didn't do that today.  I was still and I was thinking...  Accidents happen and thank God I wasn't hurt. It could have been worse.  I have heard those words echoed by my parents and well wishers all my life but today I believed them.  This  accident was not the worst thing that could happen.  It was an unfortunate thing but I got out ok.  Managed to get through dealing with the police.  Thank God my brother was nearby so I didn't have to go through it alone and I only almost cried just once.

None of us were hurt.  As far as accidents go it wasn't too bad.

So why am I crying now?  I think I realise how much life I missed thinking bad thoughts and discounting the good ones.  Bad things happen. Period. But the bad things that we think about the bad things that happen  make the experiences a whole lot worse.

I have lived my life plagued by so many bad thoughts, so many if onlys, so many why can't I get it rights, so many what's wrong with mes and so much of life has just passed me by while I hid in a cloud of my despair.

I didn't do that today.  I sat by the fork of the road that I had travelled too many times in my very very short life and I chose different.

I had an accident on my way home today. Period.

And I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

Good job Sam.

Choosing different feels pretty good.

Try it.

Choose different.