I just met a friend of mine who seems to have fallen on hard times. Well actually he was never really a friend just this guy I went to primary school with. He was so popular and he seemed to have everything going for him. He was arrogant too, my hazy memories of him have to do with him teasing me or totally ignoring my existence. I figured out early enough that the likes of him were too good for me and I happily settled into not being the most popular girl in the school but having a fun life of my own that I really enjoyed. I was that quiet dreamy really bright girl who seemed to live in a world of her own and it worked for me just fine.
Some where inside though I always kept that feeling that I would never be one of the popular ones. I wasn't one of those who just effortlessly had everything they wanted, money, friends, fame. My path would be a quite pleasant secondary existence. Fame and fortune were too good for me.
In time and especially after embracing all the wonderful positive 'you can have everything you want' teachings out there I started to believe that the life of my dreams was possible and with time I have worked on my self esteem and self confidence to the point where I was a match to and have attracted into my life most of what I wanted and I know that as for the rest of what I want it's only a matter of time. I didn't really realise how well I was doing until this morning. I sat here and wrote a rampage on appreciating time and then I passed this stranger in the office who I had glanced at and dismissed as someone who had nothing of relevance to offer me, it was something about the way he shrunk in his seat and acknowledged my presence with slightly intimidated gaze. He hadn't come to see me anyway he was talking to my colleague so I just noticed him briefly and went off to whatever it was I was doing.
I saw him again about two hours later when Alice brought him by my desk. I studied him more closely now that I realised that I was going to be speaking to him for some reason and while I was looking I had this strange out of body moment when the image of the confident arrogant most popular boy in the school merged into the face of the shrinking stranger I had seen this morning. As he stretched his hand to introduce himself I said his name before he had a chance to let it out.
He seemed surprised and a little embarassed. He didn't recognise me. I explained how I knew him. He still didn't recognise me. He covered up with some story of how I used to be so little and then he told me how good I looked. That would come up a few more times as we talked.
We talked. About common friends and about what we've been up to. He didn't come out and say it outright but I sensed that life had been tough for him. He was nothing like I would have envisioned him to be. It wasn't about what he wore or what he did for a living. It was that absence of that feeling of entitlement, of an innate greatness. That feeling that I had acknowledged as a little girl was too good for me. That feeling that made me shrink and settle for less than the best. I realised with a start as he told me again how good I looked that maybe I had that look now.
Wow. What a long way I have come. Sitting behind my desk looking at this stranger who had on his face the features of a boy I once knew I couldn't believe that I was that quiet girl who shrank away into a world of her own because she learnt early in life that she wasn't good enough to shine. Today, now, in so many ways, I am shining and with each passing day I give myself even more permission to shine.
We talked and as we talked I began to feel such appreciation for this stranger, I started to catch glimpses of the man, the boy I once knew knew he was destined to become. He had given me such an amazing gift and as I held him in my appreciative gaze I could see him sit up straighter and stand taller. I have a gift for uplifting others, for reaching in to one's soul finding the best in them and reflecting it back to them and as he had shared his gift with me I sought to share mine with him.
We parted with a smile and a promise to keep in touch. I'm not sure if we will. Who knows when next our paths will cross.
And what is this gift he gave me you wonder? Well somewhere in my life I picked up the idea that I was not enough. Maybe it was from him, maybe it was all the people like him that I had come across and I took this idea that I was not enough into everything I did. Since I couldn't be the best I would be a good enough less than the best. Today I have learnt that we all have greatness inside of us or more specifically I have that greatness inside of me. As a little girl I was content to step back and let others shine. Today I felt that little imposing boy of my childhood step aside and let me shine. That was his gift. Permission to shine. (Ironically this was the same gift I gave back)
I hope with this post to pass this gift on to you.
You have greatness within you. Shine.
Some where inside though I always kept that feeling that I would never be one of the popular ones. I wasn't one of those who just effortlessly had everything they wanted, money, friends, fame. My path would be a quite pleasant secondary existence. Fame and fortune were too good for me.
In time and especially after embracing all the wonderful positive 'you can have everything you want' teachings out there I started to believe that the life of my dreams was possible and with time I have worked on my self esteem and self confidence to the point where I was a match to and have attracted into my life most of what I wanted and I know that as for the rest of what I want it's only a matter of time. I didn't really realise how well I was doing until this morning. I sat here and wrote a rampage on appreciating time and then I passed this stranger in the office who I had glanced at and dismissed as someone who had nothing of relevance to offer me, it was something about the way he shrunk in his seat and acknowledged my presence with slightly intimidated gaze. He hadn't come to see me anyway he was talking to my colleague so I just noticed him briefly and went off to whatever it was I was doing.
I saw him again about two hours later when Alice brought him by my desk. I studied him more closely now that I realised that I was going to be speaking to him for some reason and while I was looking I had this strange out of body moment when the image of the confident arrogant most popular boy in the school merged into the face of the shrinking stranger I had seen this morning. As he stretched his hand to introduce himself I said his name before he had a chance to let it out.
He seemed surprised and a little embarassed. He didn't recognise me. I explained how I knew him. He still didn't recognise me. He covered up with some story of how I used to be so little and then he told me how good I looked. That would come up a few more times as we talked.
We talked. About common friends and about what we've been up to. He didn't come out and say it outright but I sensed that life had been tough for him. He was nothing like I would have envisioned him to be. It wasn't about what he wore or what he did for a living. It was that absence of that feeling of entitlement, of an innate greatness. That feeling that I had acknowledged as a little girl was too good for me. That feeling that made me shrink and settle for less than the best. I realised with a start as he told me again how good I looked that maybe I had that look now.
Wow. What a long way I have come. Sitting behind my desk looking at this stranger who had on his face the features of a boy I once knew I couldn't believe that I was that quiet girl who shrank away into a world of her own because she learnt early in life that she wasn't good enough to shine. Today, now, in so many ways, I am shining and with each passing day I give myself even more permission to shine.
We talked and as we talked I began to feel such appreciation for this stranger, I started to catch glimpses of the man, the boy I once knew knew he was destined to become. He had given me such an amazing gift and as I held him in my appreciative gaze I could see him sit up straighter and stand taller. I have a gift for uplifting others, for reaching in to one's soul finding the best in them and reflecting it back to them and as he had shared his gift with me I sought to share mine with him.
We parted with a smile and a promise to keep in touch. I'm not sure if we will. Who knows when next our paths will cross.
And what is this gift he gave me you wonder? Well somewhere in my life I picked up the idea that I was not enough. Maybe it was from him, maybe it was all the people like him that I had come across and I took this idea that I was not enough into everything I did. Since I couldn't be the best I would be a good enough less than the best. Today I have learnt that we all have greatness inside of us or more specifically I have that greatness inside of me. As a little girl I was content to step back and let others shine. Today I felt that little imposing boy of my childhood step aside and let me shine. That was his gift. Permission to shine. (Ironically this was the same gift I gave back)
I hope with this post to pass this gift on to you.
You have greatness within you. Shine.
2 comments:
This is such a beautiful lesson, we take on so much negativity in our lives and make it our own. it is like acid slowly etching away at the self that we hold in our hearts. It makes us bitter and makes us lash out at others or seek revenge or seek to show them, but in allowing ourselves to shine we can share that gift with others and build instead of tear down. Thanks what a birthday gift!
This is one of your best writings! thank you! ...hugs
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