run for your life

Almost everyone I know got up early Sunday morning to run. Usually I would have been right there with them but not this year. For some reason early in the year I decided to hang my running shoes up and sit this one out. The excitement was contagious though and having run the half-marathon twice, I could feel the intensity of the experience all over again as I lay warm and cosy in my bed listening to the sound of the rain outside.

I'm not sure why I wasn't out there again this year. My first experience was absolutely mindblowing. I couldn't wait to get back there the next year. The memory of the pride, sense of achievement and sheer exhileration of running across that finish line is something that I carry with me to this moment. Once I got across that imaginary line the thought was cemented in my mind that I could acheive absolutely anything I set my mind to. I can.

This year though, the fire was out and thoughts of running would provoke in me memories of aching muscles, sore knees and chaffed skin. Instead of looking back and seeing the glory, all I could see was the gory. I couldn't bring myself to hit the road with such a defeatist attitude, and with good reason. The marathon course is no place for I can't.

And there you have it, me, Ms. Encouragment, Ms. Inspiration. Ms. You can do it, Ms. Bouncing Back... Somewhere behind all my wonderful happy faces was a frustrated little Ms. I can't. And I, for the life of me had no idea what to do with her besides wrap her up in my love, crawl into bed with her and snuggle close and just be there for her. It wasn't quite the same as the exhilaration you get from crossing that finishing line with the waving crowds and the certificates and the medals but I have to admit that it still felt really really good. Instead of looking for that acceptance and validation outside of me, I was giving it to myself the best way I know how. By just loving me unconditionally, even when for a moment I decided to turn the lights out and stop to shine.

Life can appear a bit pointless sometimes. It's like we're running in circles, the further you run away from something the closer you get to it from the opposite direction. And yet there are always two sides to the coin. It is because of I can't moments like this that I am inspired to prove that I can. You just have to keep running because you're always either really close to what you desire or moving further away from what you no longer want.

You could choose to look at it the other way but that's no fun. I like to think that in the wonderful race that is my life even though sometimes it doesn't look like it I still keep moving.


And I am always exactly where I want to be. Having the run of my life. ;-)

Thank you God.

(and you too S for the inspiration)