just growing

"You're not growing older... you're just growing"

I wonder sometimes how all this mind talk serves me. Is it it any use trying to figure out all the big questions. Is it my way of running away from living life?

When it all comes down to it, am I not better served in exerting my efforts towards actions that can actually help me ... make something of myself?

Why am I concerned with finding my true self, and at what point did I lose her?

I'm often fascinated by the effortless selfness of children. I miss it. That total knowing that you are who you are. I'm not sure when the doubts crept in, but they did. After years spent working on growing older and making something of myself, I have begun to wonder when did lose this self that I am now trying to build. Who is this self that I am so intent on becoming and how is it myself if I am not that already?

I have observed it in the children around me, as soon as one begins to focus on growing older, they begin to act like an adult and in the process stop being who they are.

I want to drop the act. Its getting so old, so fast. I want to be instead. To just be me. I'm not sure exactly what it looks like, but it feels like where I am headed. Or to be more precise, where I am underneath all my acts.

Not growing into something, no particular destination. Just growing.